heart

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It’s Valentine’s Day again. Social media is of course flooded with all kinds of related memes, posts, comments and messages. Too much of it is sappy, and just irrelevant to this Autistic Bunny. But the circus is unavoidable, unless one lives in a hole under a rock (not a bad thing, really, apart from the lack of modern sanitation). So… here are my own thoughts for the day… Continue reading

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oil in my lamp

Noshment. Sustenance. Oil in my physical lamp. Goodness for my soul. And thankfulness in the spirit. The family – mum, baby sis, brother-in-law, furry boys, and helper Nula – had lunch at our usual favourite yesterday, but at a new location. It seems as if the neighbourhood malls are more crowded than the main shopping street in the city. I bring my mental clement space with me. It is a struggle, most definitely, but equilibrium is what I seek. Continue reading

ingénue

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There is no word I know that adequately expresses the fullness of Lucy Like-a-Charm. This simplicity interwoven with regal poise and quietude, wrapped around a gentleness so profound and sublime, my heart bursts with infinite gratitude to have her in my life. Another year has passed. My Angel has graced my human domain for a little more than 5 years now. I promised her a better life, away from the horrors of the racing life she once had. I wonder if she still remembers those perilous years, where her life and soul teetered on the brink of annihilation?

I do not ask, “Do you love me?”, but rather, “Are you happy?” “Are you well?”

Would I give anything to hear her tell me she loves me? No. But I would give my life and world to know just that she is happy and well. No words needed. No neurotypical-style longings for verbal and physical reassurance of my own worth as caretaker of this majestic, unblemished wonderment. I am an autistic human custodian of Unadulterated Pulchritude. Lucy Like-a-Charm is a once in a lifetime miracle of life – a gift from the cosmos to me.

Nonpareil.

Happy New Year, Lucy Like-a-Charm! My hope for 2018? That I may continue to bring you wellness, happiness and contentment. A better life. I am still working towards that. Thank you for your patience with me.

drain

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Drain. The physical object. That little channel ushering its contents into the nether regions of our consciousness. The act of it. That actual movement, going, flowing, evacuating, emptying. And being drained. Emptied, while still alive, until there is no more. At which point does it translate into actuality? How long can the human soul endure? Continue reading

food therapy

Have you ever gone to great lengths, put in a lot of effort, and been greatly inconvenienced just to help someone, and then had your bum bitten in return for all your sacrifice? Not a happy thing. Not for anyone. For the autistic brain that is given to long and arduous processing, it’s ponderously unpleasant.

Well… the encumbered Being needs therapy. Nothing better than food therapy for a Foodie Bunny. What’s a wonderful, loving and relaxing food-ing activity? Why, cooking for Lucy, of course. Continue reading

here, me

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what child is this?…

This weekend, I revisited an early musical work of mine, from 2008, about the agony of communication across neurocultural differences. I spent a bit of time contemplating the work, the obvious (that which is performed and disseminated), as well as the intimate and private (that which remains in the heart and mind of the composer alone). I also put in some closed captions, and, in so doing, realised that I was in fact creating another separate work, an extension perhaps but still separate from its original.

 

Almost ten years afterwards, my journey has taken me through amazing wonderment, experiences I couldn’t have imagined ahead of time, and some even surreal or bizarre, yet no less valuable intrinsically. Continue reading

coming home

Dear Lucy,

Mumma’s coming home.

I know you’ve missed me. I missed you terribly too.

I am so sorry, my dearest love.

I will work ever harder, I promise, to provide a better life for you and me.

Thank you for your unquestioning patience, quiet endurance, and silent forbearance. I am devastated at having caused you pain.

I am coming home. In just a few hours, I will be with you again.

All my love and gratitude,

Mum Continue reading

embrace

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Change can and does happen. Hope is not always just a frilly fantasy. Sometimes, even after one has given up and walked away, change unfolds.

Many years ago, I walked away from a connection with an ‘autism mom’. She wasn’t the typical, aggressive mom-crusader that you see in online mom-forums. She was always private about her woes, but nevertheless, at the time, so full of her own grief and struggle that she was unwilling to hear whatever I had to say.

Our paths crossed again recently. Her autistic son is an adult now. The struggles have been fierce, tumultuous, and the future is still shaky and uncertain. Yet, I see an acceptance, and embracing of her child, and a fierce loyalty and determination to support him, that I never saw before. Continue reading

Happy Dog Day

Lucy Like-a-Charm - Sonorous Repose 2015

Lucy Like-a-Charm – Sonorous Repose 2015 by Dawn-joy Leong

Today is International Dog Day. I celebrate with Lucy our differently embodied existences. Her canine Being is precious to me. Lucy is not “just a dog” – she is a dynamic and sonorous entity to who has not only saved my life on many occasions, but continues to enhance, enrich my realm with pulchritude worth far more than any human is able to provide. Thank you for being a dog, and so much more than my humanity can be. Lucy Like-a-Charm, I love you.