trundling along

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We are almost halfway through September. The mind has been churning in frothy, heaving, cyclical waves. Anxiety grows ever more verdurous. I have no idea how I will pull it off, but the show must go on. It doesn’t feel all that long ago when I presented “Little Sweets” – but almost year has since passed.

As we trundle along, too many thought trajectories run through my mind, tripping over each other in a tangled mess of tentacles. This winter’s monumental feature has been the intense battle with sensory gremlins and physical exhaustion from the fight. I am extremely relieved that spring has sprung at last, yet wishing for time to move slower so I may achieve more as I stumble as quickly as I possiby can towards the finishing line. Continue reading

enchantments

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Pain. Inflammation. This article looks at the phenomena and connection in the brain regions. Those who suffer from chronic pain, regardless of causation and triggering factors, share a universal commonality – intensity of sensory experience, tenacity and sheer perseverance. The latter description emanates from the experiential, the palpable description of what is actually lived, outside of the neuroimaging labs inhabited by white coated researchers.

The last few days were ‘inflamed’ days.

I could wax morosely lyrical about this aspect, and issue forth an eloquent central global focus on the Life and Times of the Chronically Inflamed, but it fails to provide relief or respite (to me). Since this is my blog after all, I get to choose how and what I write, don’t I? Hence, I shall dwell on the little details, as my own mind feels comfortable doing, turning everything inside out, bottom up, and making secondary references to what is actually a primary pervading sensation of the day.

Fragmented reflections of humble luxuries. Continue reading

cloudy

IMG_0796lucy-bw

Lucy is my Angel of Clemency.

[This is not a Pity-Party Poor-Me post. I am voicing these thoughts because I hope that there will be greater awareness and understanding of the conundrum faced by autistic people who struggle to live and function within a system that is largely alien to our innate make up. It is not a grumble either. There is no “Us vs Them” anymore in my mind. I strive for Neurocosmopolitanism – a coming together and blending of minds – rather than to emphasise the divide.]

After two days of intense sunshine and heat, last night, it finally rained a little. We woke up to cloudy skies and a relatively robust wind. I have a love hate relationship with robust wind. On one hand, I love the refreshing feeling of a good cool breeze, the way it skims over my skin in a firm, passing yet continuous caress, but my auditory senses become increasingly stressed by the cornucopia of sounds that the wind stirs up. Rustling leaves are delightful, but my senses can only absorb and contain a limited volume – decibel level, frequency and yes, ‘volume’ as in capacity – before becoming overwhelmed. Continue reading

food-o-logue

I shall write when I find the words. For now, here is the journey through the lenses of a food-o-logue.

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flub

Breakfast Roll

It was an anxiety laden night, wrestling with thought-gremlins about the upcoming slew of medical appointments this month and the mental, physical stress as well as the financial struggle. The sharp stabbing pain in shoulders and elbow joints didn’t help make sleep any better at all. Lucy’s presence is ever more important on days like these. She is the reason I am able to get out of bed at all.

I switched on the telly and was greeted with a Channel 7 breakfast programme featuring an Italian chef and Italian food, but Cuban mambo music playing in the background. Irritating to say the least. Reminds me of the terrible Ibuprofen advertisement playing A Tavern in the Town as accompanying signature music. Yes, it is a song about a lonely prostitute. Duh? Don’t people do their homework before shoving bits of music here and there? Obviously not. Yet, these people have jobs. Sigh.

Breakfast was uninspired but I had to eat something, just so I don’t faint – funny how one needs to make oneself better and stronger in order to see the doctor! Continue reading

dear chicken

Dear chicken, I am sorry you had to die so I can eat. I am sorry that modern agricultural methods can be so wasteful and unkind, from your perspective, even more barbaric than the backyard killings that your great great forbears had to face. You did not die in vain, however, you are giving me and Lucy more than a couple of days of gustatory joy. The folks who sold your carcass to me did quite a decent job at the roasting. I paid $10.99 for you. Well, actually, they charged me $11, because I paid in cash. That’s their trick, you see. Every cent counts, doesn’t it?

Why am I speaking to you, anyway? I just felt thusly. Many people don’t think about our food, but I am one of those who do, and I eat with appreciation and some measure of guilt. Continue reading

DIY pizza returns

 

Yes, it’s the pizza craze again. Pita bread this time, instead of wrap. Why? Simple. It was on special. Just $1.99 for the entire bag of 8! How could I resist? Mushrooms were on special too. So were the tinned tomatoes. Budget Bunny strikes again.

The egg was still runny so I put it back inside after scrambling it a bit. The second time around, I had one without egg.

Very pleasant indeed. Crunchy edges, soft centre. Tasty toppings. What more can one ask for in a DIY pizza?

Miam!

two in one

The prawns were on offer at the IGA. Just $5. Good for the day. Mixed herbs, the last half tomato, Thai fish sauce, and stir fried in coconut oil. Delicious! That lasted two meals. It could’ve been stretched out for one more, but I was hungry.

Talking about leftovers, the last of the freebie peaches was looking quite shriveled, so I cut it up and added the half cup of fruit cocktail that my friend Rick so kindly brought me as a funny gift two weeks ago. I had previously made a batch of failed coconut cream icing, too much coconut cream so it was watery and never set. I added some of that mixture to the bowl of fresh and preserved fruit. Lucy was curious, but nope, that one was all mine! Continue reading

kindness

Eating a super cheap, not so healthy, breakfast. Cheap Coles brand cheddar cheese toast, ginger marmalade toast. No more egg, no more (cheap and nasty) bacon, no more sardines – well basically running low on everything. Yes, it is time for grocery shopping, but I have to wait till my next pay day. For now, it’s just an exercise in discipline, eating up what I have. Waste not, remember? To make things just that little bit more fun, I rearranged the pieces and eat them in alternate sequence. Pleasure is in the little details.

I watched the video above while tucking in. Continue reading

solace

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The mild nagging fever continues. Physical malaise. Mental ennui. Lucy’swonderful Godmama took her off my hands this morning, so I could rest. She loves her Godma. But for me, it felt strange to see her ride off in the car, looking at me through the glass window, as I waved a cheerful goodbye. Don’t get me wrong, I was quite happy and grateful, even relieved, that my lovely friend was willing to bring her along on an outing. I could get some guilt-free sleep. But we are seldom ever parted, and it just felt surreal.

Continue reading