Autistic Anger

Read this article. It is indeed time – in fact rather late – to start being prepared.

Past Time to Tell the Public: “It Will Probably Go Pandemic, and We Should All Prepare Now”


Today, I went to two public places. At both, everyone was required to scan a QR code and enter details about ourselves for the purpose of contact tracing. Our temperatures were also taken. I actually appreciate this. I know it is extreme, but I wish this kind of care and consideration were in place much more, and not just because of a viral pandemic.

Yes. The world is in a frenzy now due to the dreaded COVID19. Thanks to dear old China. OK, I am ethnic Chinese. I don’t like racism either. But I always say that my forefathers ran away from China for a very very good reason. Now China has swallowed us all whole. This isn’t about racism or reverse racism. This is about humanity in all its glorious goriest ugliness. All humanity. Myself included.

Now everyone is scrambling around talking about containment. But why only now? How many deaths will it take for Chinese in China to stop their disgusting eating habits? I don’t know. Maybe there will never be real change. Humans have not evolved much anyway, not at the deepest level.

Reminds me of the nursery rhyme about the plague.


Atishoo! Atishoo! We ALL fall down.

It has stayed with me since I learned it and its meaning in childhood. I have always been puzzled about why humans love spreading their juices around – and I was variously mocked and labeled horribly when I did not share in their enthusiasm of what they roundly told me was “appropriate” social conduct – and I was “inappropriate”. Is it inappropriate to take care not to spread disease? How inappropriate is it now that the world is in the grip of a pandemic?

It isn’t OCD. It’s good sense. I am immune-compromised. I need to be extra careful. And how much would it hurt others to be careful too? Haven’t we learned from SARs, H1N1, MERs etc? I mean, these are all fairly recent, right? But no. The carefulness wore off. And so it’s panic all over again.

While I am very happy to see almost everyone trying to take this seriously, I am very sad that it has to take something like COVID19 to make ‘normal’ humans take due consideration about disease-spreading social habits.

How can a body ever heal if it is constantly, relentlessly, under attack?

Can Autistics with hyper senses ever not be highly strung with anxiety?

Built environments are heinous to this fragile and delicate system. And social structures are outrightly hostile. No man can be an island, so the saying goes, and it is true. But this kind of connectedness can be and is toxic and crushing to some with more delicate constitutions. Not every Autistic has accompanying physical illnesses – some are physically strong. But I also know many who suffer, like myself, from myriad physical ailments in addition to mental struggles from stigmatisation, discrimination, bullying and abuse. And we are a told we are the ‘paranoid’ bunch. And angry too.

My friend is paraplegic. She also has serious life threatening allergies. She is Autistic with hyper senses. She suffers painful physical conditions. And she was horribly abused in her childhood. Yes, she is a very angry person. Fury, even. Some criticise her for her ‘aggressiveness’. She swears a lot. Her anger is against a humanity that will not make even the slightest paradigm shift to accommodate her. They mock her for her allergies, they accuse her of exaggerating her pain. “What, how can anyone be so allergic to cucumber that I cannot even eat one before visiting you?” They refuse to believe her. This is what ‘normality’ looks like to Autistic people like us. I understand why she is angry. Even when I need to sometimes hide from her fury. I know where it comes from. But you know what? She is never less than gentle, kind and considerate towards me.

People criticise Autistic Anger. Why are you people always so “negative”, so angry all the time?

Wouldn’t you be, if you lived for a moment in our shoes? Wouldn’t you be angry too, if your very existence is constantly being assaulted, and ridiculed, and you are made to suffer excruciating pain because society refuses to be just that little bit more empathic and listen to you?

The irony is that it would greatly benefit wider society to listen to Autistics. We can help create better, less stressful environments. We can recommend healthier social habits. We can help to alleviate so much needless suffering. Is anyone listening now?

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