out of whack

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Fluffy

After three full-on gruelling days, APAC19 (Asia Pacific Autism Conference 2019) is over. It was an amazing and even sometimes exhilarating event – a first of its kind in Singapore where actual autistic people permeated all but the very top mesosphere at an autism event. 1,800 people gathered in the massive Resorts World Convention Centre all with the common goal of learning more about Autism and how autistic persons and those around us can best thrive.

I wrote a mini summary here, and uploaded some of my own photos, so go check it out.

Now to face the aftermath of all that dizzy positivity: my sensory system has been thrown completely off kilter, of course. Which autistic person doesn’t understand what I mean? Not one, I’d wager, though the specifics may be different for each individual.

For me, I’ve developed an insatiable appetite – it’s my mouth, my tastebuds and olfactory nerves all going chomp-chomp-chomp without care for or connection with the rest of my body. The brain is craving sensory comfort so much that it doesn’t want to acknowledge the other sensations like, well, a too-full stomach. I’m having trouble with my own physical signalling, as if I shall float away if I didn’t firmly anchor myself somewhere and somehow.

Oh, and the insomnia is deafening. I can hear everything whirring in randomly orchestrated high-pitched pretentious screech-fest in my headspace. Tones and microtones meandering, crossing, greeting, clashing, intertwining and looping.

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And those bizarre lights at the convention centre, they’re gyrating and creating a bit of drama. My eyes have not stopped hurting since – I can feeling the muscles tensely squeezing around the eye socket – and my vision is blurry.

I need Clement Space. In bed now, listening to Lucy’s breath, softly undulating, her warmth emanating so reassuringly.

I must attempt to sleep now. Good night, Every Bunny!

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2 thoughts on “out of whack

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