rainbows

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My Facebook feed is awash in rainbows. I am happy about this. I am heterosexual, but I embrace diversity. I celebrate Beingness, acceptance, care and due respect for a peaceful, loving, unprejudiced diversity.

Bigotry is too alive and far too robustly well in our lives. I want the haters to go away, but hatred is a very cogent stalker. And sometimes, extremely subtle and insidious.

I chuckle when I recall the things some people from my religious past used to say, where homosexuality and exclusion are concerned. A person who used to be very close to me would regularly declare that she loved the gay person but not the act, that she thinks it is ok to be gay but not to act upon it. This same person would make snide remarks about transgender people and lesbians, or actually just anyone other than her own model of self-constructed ableist perfection. Behind closed doors, she refered to the practising gay men in my life as “sinful”, or declared them to be “living in sin” – as if, somehow, their “sinfulness” made them less than appropriate people in her private mind’s eye. The irony is, this same person has actively courted and won over all my gay friends and I see her superficial plastic smile pasted all over the merry group photos being bandied about on social media. Of course, the ones closest to her tend to be the ultra religious ones, who, she thinks, are “non-practising” homosexuals. However, she most definitely did not hesitate to seek the professional help of one of the very ones she deemed “still living in sin” when her own bevy of upright and upstanding religious heterosexual characters have failed to provide satisfactory service for her needs.

The irony? My former friends have either no idea what undercurrents lurk in the murky ponds in which they are frolicking, or they just cannot see that demeaning and judging an innate characteristic IS in fact a form of contemptuous disrespect for their very person. It is like saying, “I love you, but I despise who you are in entirety.” How is that even logical or acceptable?

Not unlike people who say, “I love my autistic child (friend/etc) but I hate autism, autism is a monster, I wish my child were not autistic!” There is a deep underlying problem in this kind of talk. Just like someone who was once told by the mother, “Do you think I ever wanted a child like you?” How is it logical that one could genuinely feel any real love, acceptance and loyalty towards anyone else if one hates the other’s intrinsic qualities that make them who they are? This is not the same as hating a poor decision or a crime the person has committed. Eg. drug abuse, criminal behaviour etc. People with disabilities and of diversity do not choose to be the way were are. Our diversities ARE intrinsic and part of who we are. How can you love the LGBT person but hate and despise everything that constitutes their Beingness? How can you say you love an autist but deplore autism? (Which is very different from saying that you wish an autist did not need to struggle so much in the unequal juxtaposition faced by having to live inside an alien and unforgiving landscape.) Yet, too many do persist along these lines, whether out of ignorance or persistent prejudicial thinking – and sadly, some objects of this veiled bigotry readily accept it without questioning too. I know, because I accepted this dichotomy for most of my life, and grew up believing that all the dissatisfaction those closest to me have (against me), and the pain I suffered inwardly, are a result of my being “wrongly presented”. I made a life of trying to “right my wrongness” – until I realised this IS who I am, and all I am meant to be: my Parallel Embodiment!

It has been a difficult week. I am relieved and even rejoicing at having finally rid myself of an extraneous social connection that I do not need or want, one which latched on to me with such vigor and force that I could not and did not know how to shake off. However, the repercussions on my fragile hypersenses were enormous. Sensory overload usually sets off a plethora of physical maladies, and the week has been a tsunami of painful struggles and executive dysfunctionality.

Nevertheless, there have been rainbows. Rainbows of clemency, rainbows of acceptance and affirmation of my own Parallel Embodiment.

Apart from heartening reassurance in the area of my work, my loyal friends once again jumped into the muggy heavy weather and painted rainbows in the sky for me. Rounding off the week’s roller coaster ride, my friend Rick came by today armed with a literal rainbow of nosh – prawns, bacon, yellow capsicum, zucchini, mushrooms and a tub of tiramisu!

And there is Lucy. Royalty watching over me.

I am aching all over. Struggling hard with considerable and distracting pain. But I am smiling at the rainbows! 🙂

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