consumed

Engulfment. A consummation. Completely devoured, imbibed with palpable force. A concrete visceral knowledge. Empathy with the elements that bring both delight and grief. Feeling resonances of clemency and violence. A pragmatic and empirical embodiment, the beauty of intersecting with the elements is not a romantic notion but a sensory exuberant peace, and there is really nothing fanciful about a splitting headache derived from wet, damp cold. Reality is just what it is.

Well, with all the above in mind, I had a rather benevolent weekend. On both days, despite the cold and wet (beginning and ending the days), sunshine did visit us with kind grace, and delightful white fluffy clouds dotted the clear blue sky for a goodly number of hours each day. I even enjoyed some social interactivity with my human friends, without the need to brutally drag myself through any endurance challenge. Saturday bruncheon with my friend Rick was pleasant, as was a brief evening visit from my effervescent friend Maria and her sweet pup, Blanquita. 🙂 Absolutely blissful! I am grateful, extremely so, because some work was accomplished within the cocoon of this benefaction, with my Angel by my side.

However, I never seem to achieve quite enough in my day, but that is a different kind of sensation that I have to grapple with daily – not physical-sensory but more intellectual and emotional frustration. Yet, this too is rooted in my hyper senses. So very much rushes through my brain, every single second is packed full of ideas, musings, detailed desires for productive creativity and myriad urgencies bubbling over from within the core. Sadly, executive dysfunctions and eclectic tussles with sensory acuity hamper my progress. Every single day.

The engine of a Ferrari, encased inside the body of a Kia. That was how I used to describe my own existence. However, this analogy mostly connotes power, speed, and movement. I did not give enough respectful recognition to the fact that my senses are consumed by the complex animations of the ecological tapestry around me. Now that I am more aware of this part of Self – a dimension that was mercilessly mocked, berated, feared and even punished by my immediate society during my developing years – I am at last beginning to appreciate better the preciousness of Oneness with Self, the beauty of relational communion with Lucy (that she is a dog and not a human is very essential to me- a symbiotic parallel embodiment of gentle connectivity), and the crucial nature of the support of a few choice friends. And there is food. Ah yes, food!!!!

Understanding this multimodality does not lessen the pain, but it makes the agony easier to push through, and gives me an anchor in the frothing seething sea.

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