hiccups

hopscotch by the window

hiccups at the door

honey slowly oozing

polishing the floor

last night I dreamt of you

daddy I wish you knew

wading through treacle glue

poverty at the door… the door… the door

——–

My second scholarship has ceased. A reminder that the finishing line is near. Not a very pleasant sticky note, though. Nothing lavish, but it was a goodly amount that helped keep the Bunny & Lucy just teetering on the bright fuchsia line of decent existence. Thrown back into the dark ages of $50 a week for subsistence (that’s less than $10 a day), the Bunny shall have to gird up whatever tattered loincloths that remain and forge ever bravely onwards. Am I making sense? Probably not much. The brain is right now an even more garbled chaotic mass of unruly tendrils and frayed flailing tentacles.

It was not a restful fermata, that moment of dawning. In that split suspension in time, I saw in my mind’s photologue a vivid moving image of Lucy and me, sliding across sharp gravel strewn pathway, the friction against rough cruel crunching surface screeching loudly in my ears, skin tearing and seared, down, down, down into the yawning abyss of the uncertain. I need more robust brainpower to help me figure out how to feed two hungry hippos on $50 a week.

Autism, for me, is a bizarre juxtaposition of wonderment, delight, and sheer agony. It is both exhilarating ability, and drowning disability at the same time. Last night, the disability reared its fearful head, and I was awash with an overwhelming tidal wave of tiny screaming coloratura melismatic details, minutiae marching all over me like a massive army of ants with a vengeance. Now, in the breezy lilting light of day, I am convinced that we will find a way.

It will be an intense push towards the rounding up of this part of my wonderful and amazing journey. The added pressure from my new-found, augmented depth and breadth of financial poverty is going to be a huge challenge indeed. However, we shall not go down without a goodly fight! Every challenge is a golden opportunity to learn, overcome, strategise and consolidate. I have an Angel by my side. I have wonderful friends. We shall be ok, we will survive this! Don’t worry, daddy, this Bunny will rise to greater heights!

Tally ho, then!

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2 thoughts on “hiccups

  1. Onward Bunny Hopscotch marching off to job hunt…? Is that what lies in store for you next? I have a feeling that once you find it, you are going to enjoy it with all you have; Daddy, after all, is right behind you ❤

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