wrap warp

Why am I making sensory associations in my mindscape with wonton dumplings today? Not very sure… It’s a surreal wrap-warp day.

Wet. Cool. Rainy weekend forecast. Howling, bustling wind all night. Some piddly drops from the sky this morning. Lucy and I did not have a good night. Princess was tossing and turning, sighing and moaning in her bed. I had surreal and bizarre nightmares. At 3.48am, Lucy whined softly. I got up to stroke her. What’s wrong, honey? She went to the door. I hastily threw on jacket and trousers, grabbed a fistful of treats and we sallied forth. Two poops and a few wees. I forgot to bring poop bags. Flustered. The cloying dampness wrapped around my head like a soggy vice. Frozen. Exploding. Yet, the hair seems to sizzle as I circled Lucy’s poop in hapless confusion… staring at the steam emanating from the warm mounds… I used large leaves to pick them up… but it won’t do to chuck them into the bin this way, would it? The perplexity mounts. Solution? Neatly positioned poop, decorated with assorted leaves, underneath tree, at the edge of the trunk, where nobody could accidentally step on it. The rain will wash it into the ground, hopefully? Mental note: please, Bunny, remember to place a roll of poop bags at the door.

Oh… have you observed the streams of misty condensation emerging from doggy poop? Fascinating!

Head exploding. Legs screaming. Acute sensory reaction to the weather. Lucy isn’t liking it either. I think it is her arthritis.

It is Good Friday. Easter Weekend. I am once more reminded how ‘odd’ I am. I detest festive days and seasons. The obligation to perform social normalities weighs heavy, like a giant sodden hessian-skinned wonton dumpling stuffed with oozing rancid meats. When I was a child, I loved Christmas, not for the social busyness, but because I loved creating the decorations on the tree, wrapping and unwrapping presents. The social interaction and the inevitable confusion of sibling rivalry and jealousies were the unwelcome part of the event, causing the dichotomous friction that bubbled and brewed within me. Parties were and still are the worst, though I have learned to perform these occasions, because I know friendship is reciprocal, not always about my comfort, and if my effort can bring meaning to someone who is a great support to me, then that is the thing to do.

Most people enjoy get togethers. I honestly prefer getting together on Facebook. What a wonderful medium for me, a channel for my own brand of sociability! My own family gatherings were fraught with subterranean intrigue and tension. Now, having rid my life of unhealthy relations, ‘family’ is at last a concept with pleasant connotations. I owe a lot to my current family and other non-autistic friends – they are my support system. Hence, some celebratory occasions are necessary. One cannot always have it our own way, that is a fact of life, regardless who one may be. Love and friendship is reciprocal. I have learned to focus on the enjoyment derived from reciprocity, which makes up for the agony of the senses.

Today, I shall stay home with my Angel. Indulging in solitude and work will bring clemency to my distraught senses. I ought to put on some socks too. Mustn’t forget the warm compact and massage for Miss Lucy – I need to take care of her as best as I can. She takes such good care of me. 😀

Have a Happy Easter Weekend, to those of you who celebrate it. Do not be ashamed of how you like to celebrate – whether in quietness and isolation, or with select friends or family, or rah-rah-rah parties – revel in the diversity of Beingness!

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