The sensory nightmare continues – Miss USA Door Slammer has been hard at work with the increasingly vicious and violent slamming, as if this was her one grand mission in life. But I have been valiantly plodding on. There’s good news to relate, though. I have at last found a place to move into! A sweet little space back in our old neighbourhood. I am so relieved! The grand exodus will take place this weekend. In the meantime, I have been valiantly forging on, feeding myself with as much gusto and as cheaply as I possibly can. However, I have been feeling a screaming stretto of mounting anxiety and agitation, because my work has been punctuated with so many frustrating holes, the mental-visual landscape is that of a very large and ugly block of Swiss cheese!
I need a Jeeves. He or she will do the dishes. Cook when I am buried in work and not feeling like it, but let me cook when I want to. Do the grocery shopping and laundry. Keep the physical environment clean and organised without disturbing the ordered chaos of my work space.
Oh, and there’s the electricity supply and internet connection to take care of too.
So that I can luxuriate in my work. Yes. My work relaxes me. Energises me. Brings me pleasure, satisfaction and peace. Also, there is that issue of deadlines coming up too.
It’s not that I am lazy. I just don’t like having to deal with the distracting and exhausting nitty gritty of trying to stay alive, at the expense of creative productivity. Besides, executive dysfunction is quite a prominent feature in Asperger’s / autism. Yes, I know, it happens to everyone when they are stressed, but for us, it can really be a huge stumbling block, at odds with our other abilities. There can be an expansive gulf between extreme functionality and inability to perform the simplest mundane tasks, it may seem ridiculous but it is no joke at all. I often find myself struggling so hard to perform the innocuous, and I manage to do it well enough, but it is at the expense of the things that I can naturally do with ease, quickly and with much enjoyment. Performing the ordinary is such a struggle that I have so little strength left to do the many fun and fabulous things that I love to do. My work, that is.
When, oh, when, can I finally settle down to just work?
Talking about work… Today, I embarked on an experiment with another brand of cupcake mix today. I am doing this for the upcoming exhibition where I shall be baking and serving cupcakes as part of the performance element. This time, I used the gluten free Coles brand mix. I didn’t get it quite right. Tastes fine, but I poured far too much into the paper cups and the mixture overflowed as it was baking. It wasn’t a good idea to have tried this on a day such as today. I am in the midst of brain bog modality, I have been suffering from executive function breakdown lately, and to top it all, it was a cold and wet day, and my body never functions well in dampness. Well, apart from the many serious proprioceptive fails (like spilling the cream, getting icing sugar all over my face etc), the washing up completely depleted me. Headache, nausea and dizziness now. But there is so much more to achieve, and the deadlines are looming! Help! Jeeves, where are you?
Oh dear, I am rambling again. I should stop babbling senselessly. My eyes feel heavy even though I am not sleepy, and I am squinting at the computer screen, while the text and images seem to be bouncing and jiggling in the most alarming mocking way.
Right, but before I fade away, in case you may not know who I am referring to, the Jeeves and Wooster series by P.G. Wodehouse is about a super valet, Jeeves, and the bumbling but adorable Bertie Wooster, who keeps getting into scrapes from which Jeeves never fails to extricate him with great skill and polish. And… just for the fun of it, and to lighten the somewhat dank dreary mood of my recent few posts, here is a short video clip of my favourite Jeeves and Wooster duo – Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie. The best, in my opinion! Enjoy.