falling

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Mounting stress. The noise is a cloying, overwhelming force dragging us both further and further down into the seething darkness of desperation. No rest for the weary. Literally. But there is still food. And an Angel. Though even my Angel is suffering too. I need to work harder to get us out of this quagmire. And… as I type… my bones shake, my flesh aches, my belongings rattle from the incessant sharp violent door slamming. Sometimes, it occurs so frequently in dramatic sequence, she must be doing it deliberately? Now everyone else on the floor is following suit. I can hear her footsteps now, pounding the hallway in those flipflops. Yes, flipflops can pack a good wallop on a carpeted floor too!

Grappling with and at the mercy of ignorant fools who have no shred of consideration or empathy for people of a different ilk, a gentler, peace loving, quiet seeking genre, so different from their brutality and turbulence.

I feel myself falling. But yet determined to keep going, and get ourselves out of this barbaric disorder, on constant high anxiety mode, the white noise of fear an aura wrapped around my head, as my brain silently screams while counting the slamming whamming crashing jolts… By now, the third paragraph here, there have been 10…

slowly

falling

manic descent

numbed cascade

rocking inside

vortex

violent sonic assault

chronic

painful lethargy

dragging malaise

swirling

pushing through

sodden bog

reaching

for the light

at the bottom

of the abyss

perhaps

a tunnel

leading into

peace?

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7 thoughts on “falling

  1. I hesitate to ‘like’ but you know ‘like’ means empathy too.
    It is SO frustrating because only those that suffer understand a silent disorder! Are you sure you can’t invite her over/write a letter to try to explain? I have deleted the latter sentence a few times, but will risk it, because that is a tactic that often works.
    I emailed my neighbours a few days ago because I was becoming a wreck over their perfectly normal (for others) demands of me. I used literature (words of others copied and pasted) to show it’s not only me. My husband was furious with me – he EXPECTS me to behave (his) normally come what may! I told him I no longer can!! My neighbours were very kind (and stunned) in reply.
    BUT, today may be THE day for that new apartment! Good luck! xoxoxo

    • Thanks for the empathy, Anne!

      In my case, the Door Slammer has been counseled twice already, by the manager, but each time she just became even more violent afterwards. 😦 She is doing it deliberately now, knowing full well now that there is a person with extreme sensitivities who is being very much affected by her behaviour. Sigh.

      • You know, as the day moved on with this in my head, I started to remember those days, rather further in the past now, thank goodness, when anger would consume me. The terrible thing was that the more I knew I was wrong (not consciously) the worse I became! I later worked out that I simply could not face the humiliation of being wrong, which meant my only option was to fight harder (to save face – imagine!)! As soon as I realised what was happening, things started to change on their own. It is SO important to seek our inner selves!
        But, you would not be in a position to approach her with anything like that. She will have to find herself!
        It is just completely wrong, however, that you need to leave when she should be evicted! Truly.
        I guess there are others that create sensory hell there, in any case, so really much the best for you to find peace elsewhere. Still holding thumbs!! xoxo

      • Thanks, Anne. Yes, the revelation has to be internal and intrinsic. And the willingness for introspection too. It is 3.30am and I have been awakened rudely with yet another delivery of a smashing slam.

        The others have joined in her antics with gusto. Whether out of anger at her, or because they see that she can get away with it so they realise they can too, I have no idea. The human pack instinct is something I have always wondered about.

        Thanks for the good wishes. I shall keep hoping for a solution to come as soon as possible.

      • A human pack encounter is one of the scariest thoughts for me! The masses. It makes me sad to think that there are some truly good people that are lumped into the group of people I fear, due, simply, to this pack instinct. Yet another survival instinct that for the most part is outdated these days!

      • Very aptly put. The human pack. When some usually benign people suddenly take on a sinister complexion because of the primal pack instinct kicking in. Sigh.

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