Questions. It seems Aspies cannot stop asking questions. I have questioned everything questionable (and even not so questionable) in my life. I have even struggled with the question of my questioning. When I wrote and recorded this song (circa 2000, Questions, in the album LOVE), I was battling the shadows of my own illness, while shaking my shackled fists as vigorously as any worn out prisoner could.
I still don’t have the answers. I doubt I ever will. Yet, life without questions just doesn’t create a rich enough tapestry, does it? Lucy has shown me how to ask questions more politely, and settle into a state of contentment even when the questions remain suspended in mid-air.
While cleaning and tidying, then making the marshmallow-rice-bubble concoction today, I listened to Diane Rehm interviewing Ralph Savarese on NPR. It suddenly struck me that I was a tad jealous, yes jealous, of the love, care and nurturing that this man had showered upon his adopted autistic son, DJ. Ah, the ugly green-eyed monster rears it’s evil tousled head again. I often think, as many Aspies my age would, instead of growing up being told I was a nuisance, deviant child of my mother’s worst nightmares, what I could’ve become if I had received the amount of careful nurturing that some parents like the Savareses give to their autistic children. Then, I also wonder what I could be were I not locked inside the frustrating limitation of a painful physical condition?
Questions that will forever remain unanswered, and do not need to be answered ever. We have one life, and the only one thing we can do, amidst all the questions, is to live it the best that we can. For now, the road includes a very precious being in my charge. What would I do without her? Again, I dare not think that far ahead. She is hinting to me, as I finish this post, that it is time for me to crawl into bed with her for a good night cuddle.
That is enough answer for now.
Good night, world! See you again when the Princess wakes me tomorrow!