grace

rainy day lunch

rainy day lunch

Grace. That is the word that is resounding inside my brain this morning. It has huge resonance, a deep basso continuo, with a wordless, tuneless contrapuntal soliloquy dancing atop. It is a feeling of lightheartedness, yet intense and profound without semantic description. Grace has no didactic voice. It does not dictate morals or pedagogy of ethics. Grace just is.

It is a rainy, wet and cool day. Not cold. Just cool. The winter is setting in here, down under, while the northern hemisphere is preparing for the great thaw into spring and summer. Lucy and I enjoyed our morning walk around campus today. Well, I enjoyed it, and I hope she did too. She looked happy, and wanted to keep walking, but the pain was too much for me and I needed to hobble home and pop a painkiller.

Yes. Today is yet another high pain day. The body seems to have run off the rails with the flare up. I am guilty, I have put my complex and fragile physical shell through terrible strain, for far too long. I cannot blame it on Miss L, she is who she is – a cheat, liar, thief and sociopathic manipulator – but in trying to be charitable to her, I was not kind to myself, and that is my own fault. I need to show myself some grace too, because Grace has been abundantly good to me.

Lucy reminds me of Grace. She is a gift of Grace.

Angel in a black rain coat

Angel in a black rain coat

I dressed Lucy in the new Greyhound raincoat that I had saved up for months to buy from K9 Voyager. I ordered the black because it was the most practical colour. I regret a bit now, it seems too sombre. Perhaps I should’ve chosen the yellow, or red? In any case, my girl is a beauty, no matter what she wears. That word again, grace, but in a different incarnation. Poise, grace and elegance. I wanted this particular design because the hoodie will keep her little head dry. Greyhounds have such unusual anatomy that the usual doggy clothes do not fit them well. My baby hates getting her head wet, and the usual doggy raincoats with hoods do not fit her. This one cost me USD 122. I shall not bore you with how I scrimped and saved for this. I just know that she is worth it.

After we got home and I’d cleaned up my baby girl, I went downstairs and bought a pack of eight chicken wings from the IGA supermarket. It was on offer, just $3.99 a kg. When you are walking like an overweight pregnant penguin, you know there is something very wrong with your limbs. In my case, the fever was weighing me down, and the terrible neuropathic pain in my back and legs tearing into my flesh through to the bone, but the ever determined Foodie Bunny was hungry! Nothing is going to stop this Bunny! OK, so I popped four wings, marinaded simply with light soy sauce and sesame oil, into the microwave roasting pot. It is a nifty little pot, which I brought with me from home. (The other four went into another pot, for Soy Sauce Chicken Wings – coming up soon!) Lunch was good. I ate all four wings in one sitting. With corn kernels, and a small bowl of congee. Very soothing. Very clement.

And I listened to Bobby McFerrin’s interview with Krista Tippett, “Catching Song” on “On Being.” Click here for a wonderful listening experience, even if you are not a performer or musician. Or if you prefer watching the video, here it is.

So, why “Grace?” I am not sure, these little brain worms and word worms just enter and wriggle around unexpectedly, but I do think it has something to do with being so blessed, despite the pain that I am suffering. I hate the pain, I am not into self-inflicted martyrdom. I wish I didn’t have to be in so much pain. Yet, I have a lovely companion, far more beautiful and delightful to be with than any human I have ever known, I have loyal friends and one good sister who care for me, a clean and dry roof over my head, and delicious food on the table. I am at last doing what I love and pursuing personal goals that I have always known as intrinsic to my being. The future is uncertain, but the present has a rich, vibrant resonance. Is that not Grace?

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