persistent thought

persistent patience

persistent patience

So many social-brained people tell me to “let it go” and “relax” whenever I juggle a puzzle in my mind. I must admit, to a social-brained neurotypical, I do seem annoyingly naggy and broody and whatnot. That is the Aspie thing. The downside is a lot of worrying, heightened anxiety, and it can indeed wear one down, or plunge one into a state of complete meltdown and dysfunction. The trick is, for us Aspies, not to force our brains to “let it go” the way neurotypicals advise us to do, but to know when to stop.

My friends endured a whole lot of dramatic rambling from me. Well, don’t read it if you don’t want to, right? Anyhow, I am glad I did not “let it go” and “go with the flow” on this matter. It bugged me. Bugged me in my sleep, bugged me all day, made me unwell, sent my autoimmune flares sky-high, and there is NO WAY I am going to “let it go” in that form and shape! So I kept chewing at the problem in my mind, driving everyone crazy maybe (but nobody asked them to read y shit).

Finally, after walking Miss Lucy, I came home and made a decision. I saw a loophole in my knotted brain and went for the jugular, so to speak. Maybe it was the relief and joy I felt at seeing Lucy’s well-formed normal poo that released the tension and allowed some calm to seep in, thus helping me to think better. Well, I decided, if I was going to have to pay a premium for this air ticket, I will do it my own way and be happy about it.

I searched the Singapore Airlines website for the umpteenth time. Do not give up. I tried again all the same searches I had made before without success (which made me panic in the first place). Do not give up. And lo and behold, this time, I found a flight! And for less than what the travel agent wanted for the Finnair ticket too! Action is needed now, I must face the human. I called her office, her colleague said she was in, but she told her colleague to tell me that she will call me back. So, she didn’t want to speak to me. OK. No worries. I’d prefer not to speak either. I sent her an email giving her the exact details of my flight search, right down to the flight number, and requested that she do the booking for me if possible, but if not, please give me a refund. Surprise, surprise! A very prompt reply – she will refund me the money today. Righto. The refund will take several days to reflect on my credit card. So I called Amex. I explained the situation. The Amex agent understood immediately and informed me of the procedure forward. I will need to wait an hour for either an approval or rejection of my request. But regardless, I am so happy and relieved that I have removed the stumbling block from this simple equation, which never should’ve been allowed to turn into a ponderous complex monster.

Yes, we still need to seek help from humans. But for goodness’ sake Bunny, learn to think about statistics. Calmly. Travel agents have consistently brought me nothing but agonising irritation and frustration throughout the years prior to online booking. Whereas Amex customer service have, in my 15 years of membership, consistently been efficient in all their dealings. I don’t always get what I want, but at least they will let me know the facts quickly – either immediately or within one hour. They have never kept me dangling in midair for 24 hours.

So, some humble advice to other Aspies who have been precondtioned to doubt your own innate tendencies and denied the respect that your neurological hardwiring deserves:

This is the way you are made. So. Do not force yourself to “relax” and “let it go.” It’s ok. This is your brain. Ruminate, ruminate, turn, turn, churn, churn, pick out the threads, keep going until the brain finds a loophole to unravel the knot. Then. STOP. Decide to do it the way your brain is hardwired to function. Delete that human in the equation. PEACE. When you have peace, you can think better. Now. Start. Again. In peace. In calm. And Learn. Do try not repeat the same mistake again.

Even if I had to pay extra money for this humbling lesson, I am much happier to pay it now, doing things my own way, giving due respect and recognition to the way my brain naturally functions. Basking in efficiency and not chaotic unreliability. And without the burden of yet another stupid human in the equation. Just one stupid human will do. Me. Thank you!


Update: Amex has called me! Apparently the merchant doing the refund has to now call their department to inform of the refund, and they have agreed to effect the refund manually, on the spot. I cringe again at having to rely once more on the travel agent’s efficiency or goodness whichever the case may be. Nevertheless, I am happy that I am doing things the way I should at last. Rectifying a mistake is never easy, there are more steps to take and it is costly, but that is the price of learning. I hope the agent will do the job decently, though Amex has reassured me that if the agent does not help me, I can call them again for an alternative. Let’s see.


It is now past 2pm. The travel agent sent me an email that she was unable to do the refund because Amex “can’t do anything as refunds is a different process” (quote). I called Amex. Amex agent did some checks, and informed me this cannot be true. I double checked the phone number. It’s the correct one. I am now caught inside a dark Tunnel of Horrors in a diabolical fairground of neurotypical interactional interplay. Who is monkeying around here? I have no idea. I just wish I never ever called that travel agency. But no use wishing, is it? Have to keep going. There is no other alternative. If I don’t get my air ticket, I cannot make the trip. Plain and simple. Poverty is very plain and simple. Until it becomes a tragic comedy of errors. I am now waiting for the travel agent to return my call. Again. More confusing human interaction. The pain is shooting through the head like a comet. I am determined not to spiral into a meltdown this time. Keep Calm and Hug Your Hound!


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