Lunch today was the first decent home cooked meal I’ve had in two weeks. Lamb and zucchini. Haven’t had zucchini in ages, always too expensive. There was a good offer at Harris Farm today. Yay! Yum. Pleasure. No guilt in this pleasure. Just Pleasure. Despite the pervading sense of guilt. But that is a different matter from food. Though food does help cheer me up!
This morning, I worked up the courage to revisit my studio space. My lovely, wonderful, quiet, calm and airy studio space. I was beginning to feel a sense of dread about going there, because of the recent distressing intrusions. After having voiced my thoughts and feelings to the authorities, I am now gripped with the usual emotion that invades the mind of every person who has ever protested when their personal boundaries were broken by the disrespect of others. Guilt. The guilt of the innocent. Why should I be afraid to use the space I have been allocated, and which I love? I marched there with Lucy early this morning, spent some time tidying up – not enough to truly unravel the mess, because I began to feel a sudden attack of fatigue. And there was no more food left at home. I hadn’t had breakfast, which may have contributed to the fatigue. So I headed home, left the Princess at home and went grocery shopping.
Now, all I need is CAKE to help this sinking mood. But the cake at Coles just wasn’t appetising enough. I had Oreos instead. They were there already. But it’s still not cake is it?
Here is a musing I put together in my head about the issue of guilt. The Guilt of the Innocent. A situation I am in the midst of right now. But which I am determined to work out sensibly and practically.