I call this one my “anxiety pizza” because I woke up this morning feeling a very high level of anxiety. Throughout the night, I have had the dreaded Aspie looping thoughts running through my mind, in between crazy dreams which I now cannot recall (probably better this way), about the few issues I am now having to sort through. Technicalities and practicalities, but not of the kind that needs social interpersonal interaction. Creative puzzles do haunt me in similarly looping thoughts too, but they do not cause this kind of negative energy associated with high anxiety.
What happens when I am in a state of high anxiety? My muscles tense up, especially at neck and shoulders, and my extremities begin to feel unsteady and twitchy. There is a vague uneasy fog hanging over my head, I am unable to think clearly, and my heart rate is noticeably higher. Sometimes, I even feel as if the heart is trying to break through the ribcage! Oh, yes, and my hands and feet become colder than they usually already are, and I feel vaguely nauseous.
I often feel very hungry too.
I am defrosting the fridge right now – I just couldn’t stand anymore the sight and feel of the caked up ice all over the tiny ice box, impeding the sliding in and out of the ice trays. That means having to eat up the smoked salmon in case it goes off. So I put a layer of smoked salmon on the plain cheese and tomato pizza (no more olives, no more fresh tomatoes, no more tuna – almost out of everything else!).
Here it is, then, my “anxiety pizza” – I ate the whole thing in one sitting, along with one of the Milo cupcakes.