I hate losing things. Even cheap things. I treasure the things I have. Contrary to what my mother thinks, I am not a junk collector. I collect certain things because they are useful to me, for my art and creativity purposes. I create things from existing material, I don’t like the idea of buying material when there is so much potential to create from what is already there.
Anyhow, nobody likes to lose precious things. But us Aspies bring that to the extreme. We can go into fits of uncontrolled rage if something that ought to be at a certain place gets misplaced or broken. This trait is associated with the need and desire for sameness, consistent patterning and routine. Well, I have a little routine with Lucy. We go for a longish walk once a day (apart from the 3 or 4 other short ones just for pee and poo), usually in the mornings. On the way back, we stop somewhere shady (we have a handful of regular places) and she gets a snack and a drink of water (we were given a lovely bright pink silicone collapsible bowl as a promotional gift at one of the pet events at Paddington Market last year). Then I brush her. I don’t do brushing indoors, because I don’t want to deal with the shed fur.
Two days ago, we stopped at one of our favourite places as usual. But I left the brush behind, on the bench, and I didn’t notice it was gone until the next morning, when we were about to set off again and I checked my waist pouch for the brush. I have by now learned to quell the surge of anxiety and rage that is automatically triggered during such moments. It seems ridiculous, but it is an intrinsic part of autism. Well, as part of self intervention strategy, I kept telling myself, it’s ok, I can buy another one, but that didn’t help all that much because I don’t have the budget for a proper brush. The one I lost was given to me by Lucy’s vet, and I was elated because I couldn’t afford to buy a proper ‘curry brush’ and to get one for free was such a grand thing! So, push one step further. Think. Where did you leave it? Go back to that place and see if it is still there. My mind, of course, was calculating the likelihood and going back and forth – not likely, but worth a try anyway.
To my immense relief, it was still there. Someone had put it on the armrest. Phew! I cannot accurately convey the immense rush of relief and unadulterated joy at spotting the worn out blue rubbery object from afar as we approached, nor do I have words for the feeling of it in my hands as I picked it up. Suffice to say, I was superbly chuffed!
Lost and found. Will be more careful from now on.