dedication

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This blog is dedicated to:

My canine angel, Lucy Like-a-Charm.

My baby sister Althea, her wonderful hubby Robin, and her two furry boys Bizcuit & Tiny.

My loyal friends YS and Rick.

Without you, there would be no adventure, no narrative, no amazing tales to tell.

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drain

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Drain. The physical object. That little channel ushering its contents into the nether regions of our consciousness. The act of it. That actual movement, going, flowing, evacuating, emptying. And being drained. Emptied, while still alive, until there is no more. At which point does it translate into actuality? How long can the human soul endure? Continue reading

food therapy

Have you ever gone to great lengths, put in a lot of effort, and been greatly inconvenienced just to help someone, and then had your bum bitten in return for all your sacrifice? Not a happy thing. Not for anyone. For the autistic brain that is given to long and arduous processing, it’s ponderously unpleasant.

Well… the encumbered Being needs therapy. Nothing better than food therapy for a Foodie Bunny. What’s a wonderful, loving and relaxing food-ing activity? Why, cooking for Lucy, of course. Continue reading

bite

Musing on the act of biting and relationships. No, not about dogs. Humans.

Lunched with an old friend last week. At my favourite haunt, of course. I am a creature of comfortable habit. We’ve known each other for more than 40 years and counting. A childhood friend. A rare gem, in this day of unpredictability and flux.

Relationships. Relatedness. Relatives. Relativity. A minefield or impending doom, or pasture of goodness? It depends. Teetering, mostly, and / or prancing delicately with fearful vigour through the swaying tulips, trying to avoid crushing the flowers but often failing to notice the sharp glass shards on the ground. Continue reading

fed

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Green tea and jelly with a hint of mint and lemon @ Ichiban Boshi.

Since returning ‘home’ a year ago, this Autistic Bunny has been very well fed. Singapore, of course, is a city that boasts eclectic gastronomic delights to suit all budgets and tastes. My sister and her hubby are foodies too, and they’ve been generously providing the noshments. I do apologise for the lapses here on Bunnyhopscotch, the latest adventure has been a somewhat overwhelming rollercoaster ride, hijacking my thoughts and time with assorted bits and bobs. Nevertheless, I do still faithfully take a visual capture of my food, as a kind of thanksgiving ritual, reminding myself of the moment of gratitude and anticipation, just before the fulfilment. Grace and thankfulness. Always.

Pattern. Liturgical observance. Process unfolding. Gentle celebration. These are all comfort spaces for me, they serve to anchor my Being in the here and now, at the same time, they are springboards that often propel my imagination forward and into faraway dimensions. Continue reading

just sayin’

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Agedashi Tofu and Speaking Through the Body by Lucy Like-a-Charm

This morning’s rambling spinning thought processing (involuntary) brain exercise is about words. Ironically, I have to use more words to express my despair of wordedness.

As an Autistic person, as well as a researcher and practitioner in the field, and inevitable advocate, certain words people use to refer to Autism affect me greatly.

Autistic. Not Person-with-Autism. Our neurology is not a handbag we carry with us, or a handy gadget to wield as and when our fancies strike. The vast majority of autistic persons now prefer to use identity-first language, and it is the choice of official Autistic advocacy, yet, the neuronormative world is steadfastly refusing to respect this. Why? Because they think they know better. Words are little missiles containing perception and attitudes. When a person insists on delivering words that hurt, even when repeatedly told to refrain or

Using Autism as a derogatory slur is becoming more and more rampant too, for example, “That’s so autistic!”. And lately, celebrities who have been caught for heinous deeds have been wielding the deficits-focused pathological descriptions of Autism to excuse their vile behaviours.

Meandering onwards from the above mental rumblings, onto more about Words. Words. Words everywhere. Continue reading

here, me

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what child is this?…

This weekend, I revisited an early musical work of mine, from 2008, about the agony of communication across neurocultural differences. I spent a bit of time contemplating the work, the obvious (that which is performed and disseminated), as well as the intimate and private (that which remains in the heart and mind of the composer alone). I also put in some closed captions, and, in so doing, realised that I was in fact creating another separate work, an extension perhaps but still separate from its original.

 

Almost ten years afterwards, my journey has taken me through amazing wonderment, experiences I couldn’t have imagined ahead of time, and some even surreal or bizarre, yet no less valuable intrinsically. Continue reading

Bully off! #autism

Excellent thoughts and advice on bullying, from Sonia Boue.

The other side

IMG_8484I’ve recently been a target of an attempt at bullying. I didn’t think this could happen to me, so I’m writing because I want to help others feel safer and stronger. I found my experience shocking as it is many, many years since I felt such visceral fear, though with the right support I saw it for what it was – a vindictive sham. Momentarily,  it had taken me back to when I was 11 years old and cornered in an underpass outside my school, outnumbered by a gang of girls primed to beat me up. I feel the most constructive way to deal with this is to speak out and share my thoughts on effective autistic self protection. 

I’ve known social disdain of a subtle kind all my life, from those who think themselves more socially sophisticated and who remain aloof. I stopped caring a very longtime ago, and sought more genuine interactions.

I’ve also known open hostility – yes of…

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function

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I can do a whole lot of things, and superbly well too. But autistic executive dysfunction is a very real thing, and I need help with the simplest stuff, without which, I am unable to do all the marvellous things as marvellously as I can. Autistic persons need support, no matter ‘where on the spectrum’ we may seem to be. That is why functioning labels are harmful. Stop referring to us as ‘high’ or ‘low’ functioning, we are autistic, we are humans. Start trying to understand how you can support us to do the things we can do well, so that we can in turn help you do the things you cannot do well.

identity snatch

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I am still reeling from the multiple fragments and loose fibres swirling around my headspace after the incident. An identity snatch. Someone set up a Facebook profile using the exact same name as mine. Then popped up on my Facebook space like an eerie little gremlin, ‘liking’ and reacting to my public posts. As soon as I saw my own name, I visited the profile and found nothing but an empty shell. Alarmed and in shock, I quickly posted a note about my name being used in a fake account. As soon as that declaration hit cyberspace, the person began sending me and a few of my friends connecting requests and private messages.

The person vehemently declared that they were genuine, they just happened to have the exact same name, and they were also autistic / aspie. I asked for proof of ID, but of course nothing came forth. The tirade continued in my Inbox, in CAPITAL letters – aka. shouting. But everything went hush after I said I will lodge a police report. The last querulous little missive was one final stab at transferring guilt: at the end of a string of adjectives describing me (“mean”) and some “how dare you do this to poor little me” stomps, came the grand finale, “I AM DELETING ACCOUNT DUE TO HARRASSMENT!” Continue reading

hello?

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Self Portrait circa 2007 by Dawn-joy Leong

It’s Autistics Speaking Day. I didn’t know there even was such a thing, until I saw my Facebook feed flooded with it, by various Autism advocacy groups and pages that I’ve subscribed to.

Righto. So. Speaking of speaking. I posted this long ramble the other day, about my struggle with a certain person regarding respecting my preferred mode of communication, “gaseous exudations.” While it does seem on the surface as if nothing but an angry rant, and perhaps some of you NT folk may be even slightly (or more than slightly? who knows?) offended by the blunt-speak, it’s actually a very serious issue, and a deeply painful yet far too common feature of Autistic life. Continue reading