My beautiful, big-hearted baby sister and her valiant, generous hubby, and my most loyal and supportive friend YS – thank you for helping me eat better, look beyond my feet, reach out, live my dreams and keep on keeping on, knowing always that I am loved.
My canine angel, Lucy Like a Charm, who shares this wonderful journey.
Image is a yellow/blue watercolored background with the text: I have been congratulated for “overcoming autism” : a well meaning gesture that means nothing at all. For a time I thought this was applause for having the ability to pass, but I have learned that it’s code for “we expect you to act normal now and anything that you can’t do we will consider a personal failing.” – eisforerin.com
I’m seeing a new therapist and I’ve told her how much I like to write; last week I told her that I haven’t blogged in a while because I haven’t had the time, but this morning I told her that I’ve realized I am not writing because I don’t know what to say.
She told me that it’s important to keep doing this so that I have a voice.
My first time in the MRT train in Singapore. An eye-opener. An ear widener. An eye-stabbing, energy sapping exercise. Most of all, a full-on olfactory incursion.
Begin at the beginning…
Having never used the system before, I set forth for my 4pm appointment in the west, from the central area where I live, at 2.55pm. My only experience with the underground system were in Hong Kong and London. The trains in Hong Kong run at quite a speed. Based on this, I felt an hour would be sufficient to cover the distance. I was wrong. Continue reading →
Are you offended by my expressions and paradigms of love? Have you ever stopped to wonder if I may be hurt by yours too? What are the different paradigms for connectivity and forming interpersonal bonds? How do we each express attachment and intimacy? Do we ever ask ourselves these question when we interact with friends? How about friends we have known for decades? Continue reading →
Clemency lies often in the little things. What my friend Rick calls “dogliness” – tiny capsules of goodness and grace, a state-of-being inspired by Lucy and her canine friends.
I am luxuriating in homely dogliness. It has been a long and arduous struggle, especially the final year of intense, full-on assault of cosmic proportions, and this current blessedness is very welcome indeed. My senses are glad for the therapeutic repairing and reviving. I cannot reiterate enough my relief and gratitude for the clean surrounds. And this Foodie Bunny is of course in Foodie Heaven! Singapore is a gourmet’s paradise, and I love the amazing variety available everywhere, from busy heartland food centres, to trendy cafes, and high-end restaurants. My favourite? Home-cooked with love, and I even get my favourite tropical fruits (mangosteens and ‘langsat‘) peeled and served.
Remembering the local traditions from days of yore. That neighbourhood bakery churning out fresh butter cream cakes with garish, kitschy jam and cream embellishment. Saving pocket money for the little indulgences. Sharing with baby sis. Sticky creamy fingers. Arguing over who has the larger chunk. Then here comes the doggy, wanting a share.
Baby sis scoured the heartland shops to locate this bit of nostalgia just for me, on my birthday last week. Sweetness all round. Bizcuit stood in as the doggy, puffy tail wagging and eyeing the cake on dining table. But we are now old. And it didn’t taste the same as before. The cake was not moist enough, and the butter cream was boring. They are no longer 25 cents per piece, either. Oh, and she bought five of them, no need to argue about size or volume. Much has changed … yet, the delight remains.
Memories are made of these.❤ Feeling mentally and physically exhausted, but emotionally blessed.
Another brief interlude, just the two of us, baby-sister and me. Precious little clement spaces – our bubbles of Being Together. Free, unencumbered now, with no more jealous and possessive (other) siblings making bitchy snide remarks, we are children once again, shutting out the rest of the unkind world. I had a sudden desire for ramen, so we headed for the nearby mall, five minutes’ shuttle bus ride away. A hot steaming bowl each of slithery stuff soaked in thick miso-flavoured soup, and sides of tofu and maki. Our chatter, the rise and fall of voices, the intensities and dimensions, may all seem strange to the eavesdropping onlooker. But for us, this is just “our” way. Space of Mind. Elemental empathy. Knowing. It is a very special co-existence within a common comfortable domain. And no, we do not need eye-contact to resonate and reverberate.
Celebrating without fuss. No fake smiles and crackly tin-foil laughter. No feigning delight at awkward gifts. No social kisses to endure. Just a little fluffy visitor at 5.30am, tiny docked-tail waggles: “May I come in and share the air-conditioning, please?” Up he goes into a lonely, Lucy-less bed. The empty space is too vast, no little fur-ball can fill it. No, not anything or anyone. But the little tyke is a sweetheart anyway. Continue reading →
At last. After the crash, finally fever-free. Regaining strength. Time for some water therapy. Another clement space. A place of solace, where many thoughts were scribbled and visual images captured.
I love the water. Swimming was the only physical activity I was able to really enjoy since childhood. Enveloped in soothing, calming liquid silk. A sonic world unlike any other. Weightless, yet tangible, not spinning in vertiginous chaos, but a calm, gentle buoyancy.
Slide in slowly, the joints still stiff from two weeks of inflammation and malfunction. Engulfed in tranquil gratitude. Light years away from the horror of the past year… Has it really been a year already?
At the doctor’s clinic – just about surviving the wait.
Stubborn, indignant high fever. Relentless, adamant multi-headaches. Pounding ulcers. Throat on fire. Dancing monkeys and rampaging elephants. Vertigo. Nausea. Debilitation. Screaming all-over muscular pain. Total system crash.
Hobbled to and from doctor’s clinic, shuffling stiffly… They thought it was dengue, due to the pain and fever, but tests results were in the clear. Phew! You’re just very sick. You must’ve picked up a super bug somewhere (well, yes, Mr Stinky was down with an infection, spreading the amplified horror willy nilly, and I spent my final evening in Stinkyland washing that already sickeningly reeking toilet out with bleach because it was soiled with excrement). With your weakened condition and hypersensitivity, your experience is very much more intense. Duh. OK. I know. I know… Continue reading →
Foodie culture is big in Singapore. For this Foodie Bunny, it’s an amazing wonderland.
I braved the crazy weekend crowds for this yummy meal. Thinking I’d be clever, I wandered off ahead, and managed to get very lost. Never dive into a buzzing throng of human bodies if you have no firm idea where your destination is. Fortunately, I am not afraid to ask for directions. Unfortunately, it didn’t occur to me to do so until I was in the opposite end of the huge shopping mall. Found my way at last, and the feasting began. Continue reading →