dedication

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This blog is dedicated to:

My beautiful, big-hearted baby sister and her valiant, generous hubby, and my most loyal and supportive friend YS – thank you for helping me eat better, look beyond my feet, reach out, live my dreams and keep on keeping on, knowing always that I am loved.

My canine angel, Lucy Like a Charm, who shares this wonderful journey.

vaya con dios

Recycling food. Reinventing cheap. Facing the challenge of temporary poverty with hopeful gravity. Peasant’s lunch, laughing with joy, cutting the kite strings.

At last, a long time coming. A cadential resolution. On a minor tonality. But there is peace. Cutting lose the threads that bind to old and rotting hessian sacks from the past. Simplifying. Clarifying. Releasing. Continue reading

fugue

Everywhere I turn, humanity creeps up on me, sprinkling colourful fragments of devastation.

The shrapnel embed themselves inside my brain, littering my mindscape with stabs of pain.

Too many pretty words. Empty promises. Spurious platitudes.

Smiling selfies belying hollow echoes of fluctuating loyalty.

Prejudice railing against prejudice, stirring the cauldron of ignorance, bigotry and strife, spiked with toxic self-righteousness.

Twisted minds, tortured souls, chasing shadows, painting purgatory.

Run, run, run! But these humans they pursue me, running with nowhere to hide from artful homiletics condemning my peaceful inhumanity.

Is it Thursday already? Suffering from human-overload, struggling to regain equilibrium. It has been an arduous week thus far. Social avalanche. Sensory breakdown. Physical pain. Betrayal. Sadness. Incapacitation. Empathic grief. Ah, humans, what a wonderful invention!

Thankful, however, for the sunshine that emerged. And always grateful for Lucy. Though I must not forget the few steadfast friends that remain. I do not need more. These small wonders help me on my journey. An amazing adventure. Never a dull moment, to be sure!

And here is Glenn Gould with J.S.Bach.

witch’s brew

innocence

Today, I received a sad communication from someone who has been abused by people near and dear to her. My own world crumbled within me, because I felt her pain, yet I am incapable of resolving it for her. I felt guilty, in a way, that I escaped the terrors that she had to endure, and I have wonderful friends who stand by me firmly on my side through this bumpy ride, while she has nobody but me to confide in. I am overwhelmed by empathic grief. As cosmic coincidence would have it, I turned on the telly, and was met with a report on yet another form of abuse. My heart weeps inside a very dark space today… and I am all the more grateful for the comfort that my beautiful Angel offers me inside her innocence.

Not all witches ride broomsticks wearing pointy hats. In fact, that is a laughable myth. The truth is, the most cogent evil is very often swathed in silken bundles of precious piety and steeped in a rich brew of religiosity and/ or moralistic postulation. Continue reading

family

Keeping warm…

Trundling along in my little creaky wheelbarrow, rust flakes falling off and blowing away in the gentle breeze as my vessel bumps and bounces on the rocky road, I have been the fortunate recipient of such wonderful support that I often shake my head in disbelief. I do not deserve this love, respect and regard. I do not even see some of these amazing friends often at all, as they either live far away, or in different countries. They ask nothing of me, not even my company, and I stand in awe and wonderment at this almost surreal existence. Continue reading

Autistic Academic on Acceptance, Love, and Self-Care: #AutismPositivity2015

bunnyhopscotch:

An honest and insightful revelation of the very real struggles faced by individuals on the autism spectrum functioning within contrasting juxtaposed domains.

Originally posted on Autistic Academic:

autismpositivity2015button

Yesterday, I gave the first academic conference presentation of my career: a paper on narratives of cognitive/developmental difference vs “monstrous”/changeling difference in late antiquity and the Middle Ages.*  You can check out the livetweeting from it here.

Overall, the talk went well and seemed to be very well-received.  The Q&A session immediately following was very productive, from my point of view, and I had several people thank and/or congratulate me over the course of the day – not just people who knew it was my first talk and were offering support, but also people I’d never met before who were responding to the content.

And, as has become my norm in any setting where I’m talking about autism, I told them I was autistic.

I always wonder what people think when I disclose in an academic setting.  No doubt some of them think I’m either “surprisingly articulate for an autistic”…

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Accessing help is hard when you don;t fit the stereotype – professionals with mental illness

bunnyhopscotch:

An honest and insightful look into a difficult domain. Thank you, Jeanette Purkis!

Originally posted on jeanettepurkis:

I work full time in the Commonwealth Public Service in Canberra. I have done this since 2007. I have a very good income, an education and a mortgage. I wear suits to work. Money is not an issue for me and has not been an issue for a good while. I also have a severe mental illness.  When I moved to Canberra in 2007 I decided – after years of seeing a psychiatrist – that I would access my medication through a GP and not find myself a psychiatrist. I had been ‘well’ for many years at that point and imagined that I would continue to be so into the future.

Fast forward a few years and I had a year of stresses. Firstly I applied for a promotion at work and was successful. For some reason I became extremely anxious about the application and the anxiety took on a…

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my piece of sky

The sky was beautiful in an enigmatic way today. A special sky, in a painterly, whimsical yet grand and exhilarating way. And I thought of dad, as I took these photographs. I miss you, daddy. Every time I look at the sky, I think of dad, and this song from Yentl. Continue reading

Mother’s Day again

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It is Mother’s Day today in Australia and many other parts of the world. The media is having a field day, of course. Though not as rabidly frenzied as during Christmas, social media is literally cluttered with cute-cute love-love sweet-sweet Mother’s Day posts, shops are awash with Mummy Love paraphernalia, and well, you know the scenario – a literal pyrotechnic bombardment of the Greatness of Motherhood fills the mental, emotional and physical landscape.

Here, in our tiny microcosmic corner of the vast universe, Lucy and I have enjoyed yet another beautiful day together. Continue reading

hotpot

We had hotpot some Saturdays ago. For the uninitiated, it’s a kind of fondue, but with soup and a huge variety of tasties, all done Chinese style. The dish is traditionally eaten in the colder months. One can easily imagine the visuals of a group of people gathering together, whether family or friends, around a hot steaming bubbling pot of broth, hungry and cold, slowly warmed by the boiling pot and food, and for the more social minded of us, the chatter and collection of human bodies adds to the ‘warming’ process too (though that is agony to people like me, and the part that I most dislike). In the sunny warm humid tropics, this is still a favourite – either enjoyed in the evenings outdoors (hoping for gentle breeze) or with the air-conditioning full blast. :) Continue reading

wisdom

A Facebook friend’s post caught my eye. Roughly translated, the quote declared that a truly wise man remains silent as he observes the world around him. That may be true, but so does a person oppressed and repressed. Silence is not always golden. Sometimes, silence roars louder than spoken words, not in genteel tones of sagely wisdom but writhing in pain, churning in turmoil and thrashing in ever advancing stretto of agony. Continue reading