dedication

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This blog is dedicated to the three most special people in my life:

my beautiful, big-hearted baby sister and her valiant, generous hubby, and my most loyal and supportive friend YS – thank you for helping me eat better, look beyond my feet, reach out, live my dreams and keep on keeping on, knowing always that I am loved!

maluca

dancing on the edge of the moon

green tea

ice lolly

blue bottomed baboons

i like alliteration

how about you?

dancing on the edge of the moon

curly tops

frilly mop

babbling word stims

onomatopoeic booboos!

dancing on the edge of the moon

whimsical pierrot

mottled flamingo

time is singing pirouette

while elephants march in twos.

Typing to Communicate & Busy Work

bunnyhopscotch:

A powerful post about the effort it takes some of us to respond to innocuous interactions. Most people, whether Aspie-types or NTs, have little understanding about how arduous a task it can be just to reply to a simple question, for those facing different challenges and using different modes of communication. I am fully verbal, often verbose, but I suffer a lot from painful autoimmune flare ups, and the mouth ulcers can be so excruciating that eating is a monumental confrontation in itself. It costs a lot for me to respond to social fluff like, “How are you?” – pain is the currency. I think the world would be far less full of extraneous irrelevant fluffy chat if more people understood. Thank you for yet another wonderful post, Ariane and Emma!

Originally posted on Emma's Hope Book:

Typically in school life there is a certain amount of busy work that one is expected to do, forms that need to be filled out (repeatedly), words that you are expected to say whether you mean them or not, because it is what we as a society do.  “It’s just the way it is,” we are told.

However, let’s say you cannot speak and must type to communicate.  And let’s say you are in school where upon arrival you are expected to sit down, state write your name, what day of the week it is and the date.  You are also expected to say write at least one sentence about the weather and another sentence to describe how you’re feeling.   Now let’s also pretend that typing is really difficult for you and it takes you some time to do so in the best of circumstances.

For example, writing five sentences…

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D flat

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D flat and F sharp are the two most difficult tonalities for me to play on the piano. Is it just psychological? I don’t know. I have never been good at sight reading, those black notes dancing around on a page, just like too much text, but more visually attractive. As if my note reading handicap weren’t bad enough, too many of those black keys give me the shudders. No, it isn’t an Aspie thing, it’s just me being not very high functioning. Continue reading

clement shutdown

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Shutdown. What is non-verbal modality like, actually? It is different for everyone. There is no one-description-fits-all scenario. Even in the same person, verbal shutdown can present in myriad ways, with eclectic triggers. That is the difficulty in the study of the mind.

For me, non-verbality may not always indicate an inability to speak, but rather more a reluctance to formulate in the mind and then expel with physical force, what is socially-acceptable, grammatical, prosaic babble. I am still verbalising in my mind, with word stims, truncated sentences, symbolic visual images. I am still able to communicate on the superficial level, but not with much intellectual depth (though this doesn’t seem to bother most people much, and I am the only one suffering from this temporary ‘handicap’). Other times, non-verbal mode means total shutdown of speech and verbal semantic thought. During these times, I prefer to be on my own. Well, actually most times I prefer to be on my own, but there are times I actually do enjoy some interaction with people I like. :) But in total shutdown modality, the isolation becomes an absolute necessity. There are other scenarios, but I am too tired now to elaborate further. Continue reading

guardian angel

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My baby girl has been unwell. A yeast infection. Poor darling, she has been very brave and spunky, but I notice the little signs of discomfort, like sleeping more than usual (yes, I never thought that was possible for a Greyhound!), walking slower, subtle tiredness and not wanting to get out of bed in the mornings. She still attacks her food with her usual gusto, though, so that is a good sign.

And she still watches over me, from her comfy spots in bed and the couch. Continue reading

homecoming

 

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The rain was playing tricks with us today. First it poured, so we thought we’d cancel our little outing, then the sun emerged, and we decided to go ahead. While in the bus, the skies opened up again. We made our way back to our old neighbourhood in the rain. I had forgotten my rain hat, but I was very glad I remembered Lucy’s raincoat and my Princess was nice and dry. When we arrived at our favourite pet supplies shop, Rupert and Dora, the sun decided to make another appearance!

I am exhausted from the sensory overload and physical effort, but it was well worth it. The nearer we got to ‘home’ the more Lucy became excited, sniffing the air, sniffing the trees and she was actually smiling. It brought bake memories of an incident some time ago, when we were walking near our old home, a lady stopped us and remarked, “Do you know, your dog is smiling?” Of course, she had a marvelous time at Rupert and Dora, where her beloved Auntie Sylvie showered her with kisses and treats! Mumma came away with three bully sticks and Auntie Sylvie threw in one huge beef chewie as a present to Lucy! Continue reading

multi-textural ruminations

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A rainy week. Yes, the earth needs to be watered. We do understand. But we cannot help it if our senses recoil from the effects. Lucy hates the rain. I do not yet understand the specifics, such is the nature of purely sensorial non-verbal / semantic communication. There are always pros and cons, of course. I have a plethora of reasons for my revulsion, though. Physical pain in various parts of my corporeal anatomy (let’s skip the specifics, shall we?). Despondent depression, the colour and smell of mud mixed with vomit, woven into a heavy cloak, wrapped around my spirit. Two to go, is that illustrative enough yet?

I volunteered to participate in a study on autism related empathy. It was on a Tuesday morning. Driving rain. We sallied forth regardless. I have taught myself to press on, regardless (as far as possible) of my own sensory state, for the sake of that thing called commitment and honouring one’s word. I do not always apply this principle wisely or to my own advantage, though. Fluidity is a struggle for my brain. Lucy was an Angel, she trotted on valiantly, despite the assaultive rain. It must’ve been that much louder for her senses, the water splattering on her raincoat, and the affect all the more severe? I pressed on, we were brave soldiers, Tally Ho! Continue reading

apotropaic

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My brain has not rebooted back into full verbal mode. It’s been somewhat soggy lately, the weather, as well as my verbal abilities. Lucy doesn’t need words, we speak through our senses, and that is such a comfortable medium for me. The weather, temperature and humidity affects the senses in a very concrete and powerful way. Most people don’t grasp the intensity of it, unless they suffer the consequences themselves. The wet and damp also triggers a purplish-green depression that seeps in through the feet, knees and top of the head, then leaves a sticky layer of sickly vomit clinging to the skin. All I can do is to keep on keeping on, knowing that the rain and its accompaniments of pain and gloom will not last forever. Continue reading

Sunday

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Jam packed Sunday. But we had great fun. The sunshine returned, after a few days of rain. We love the sunshine, Lucy and I. I experimented with a few crochet flowers. I’ve not made any for some time, and the tension wasn’t too even, but with some practice, I think I’ll get better at it. I think the turquoise flower looks cute on Lucy’s red collar. Lucy lay on the couch, basking in the sunshine, while I ate lunch. A quickie lunch of noodles, home grown veggie, preserved salted verggie and an egg. I am quite pleased with the way my little container garden is coming along. The Asian greens are tasty and tender.

The highlight of the day was our trip to Coogee Beach. Continue reading